I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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