I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
