His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
