"it" just moved
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize