tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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