Your tits are I can't wait for
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
jump out the window naked night went bad
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