Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
