I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
40s are totally the cure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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