I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
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I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
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Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My vagina is very pro this idea
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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