She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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