I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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