I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
