I accidentally had phone sex last night
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Sext me about skeletons
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
