bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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