it's too hot outside to masturbate.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
please don't ironically join a cult
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