Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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