I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
