I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
