when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
