Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
