i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
