His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The uberlube is also flammable
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
