I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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