just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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