you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
