just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
don't judge my taste in strippers
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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