I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
