remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
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I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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