My Higher Power is John Stamos
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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