I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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