It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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