you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
