he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
