For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
