Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So much Jack, so little girl.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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