i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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