She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
