Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
