it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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