You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
