I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
