Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
