I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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