I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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