$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
