Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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