perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
