maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
