If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
