I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
