Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
