when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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