Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
