hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
