This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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