i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
