i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
