Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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