he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
