textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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