i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
