I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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