So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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